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Daily Devotional | Helping Those in Need

Memories of the Heart by Nancy Nair After thirty some years working with hurting couples, it is hard to not to reflect on memories of others as I look into the eyes of people I meet now. Sometimes while driving, I look over at the women next to me and think, “I wonder if she needs someone to help her through her day?” When I see people crying, I can hardly stand it. It is really hard for me because I remember when I was going through my struggles with Ken. I didn’t want my family to know, so I kept it inside. There were times when I would venture out and share with a friend things that Ken was doing that hurt me or the girls, but most of the time it just caused them to take up an offense against Ken. I needed someone to listen to me and maybe pray with me. I certainly didn’t want them to take up an offense. I found that when we resolved the issue, people would hold on to the offense against Ken and I didn’t like that.

I did have one lady from my church that I could go over to her home and share things that were on my heart. We could talk about Ken and I without her thinking badly of him. My memories of her are never negative. In fact, I knew she loved Ken and me so I didn’t have to worry about her hating Ken. She always waited for me to ask her for her advice otherwise she would just listen to me. I am sure that she was praying for me at those times because I would be crying and she would love me through it.

As I am helping ladies, I want to be able to be there for them to unload all those ugly hurts without them feeling that I don’t like their man or maybe make them feel like they need to protect them. I have realized that when they want me to help them, they will ask also. At that time I have the freedom to share my thinking. I want them to know I won’t tell them what they have to do. Assuming that they are in the same place I was, I often will give them some ideas. I do this because when I was in the middle of all that mess I had exhausted everything that I could think of. I try to help them to share their feeling with their husband; not what he should have done. When you begin telling them what they should have done, it will often end in a fight as your story will not be the same as theirs. I would say to Ken, this is what you said and he would say I didn’t say that. I found that sharing how it made me feel was the best. He couldn’t argue with how I felt.

Sometimes, I wanted to say all was alright to avoid an argument. But, God requires me to speak the truth at all times and if I said everything was fine just to get him off my back then I was not doing what God required of me. I would write notes and put them in the car as he took off for work so that he could think about it all day long. If I would have known today about journaling my feelings I would have done that. I would have wanted him to see how I was feeling so that God could work on his heart. I also wanted him to know how the children were feeling so I would have also shared how they were feeling instead of telling him what to do. I messed up lots of times and told him what to do but I know the best times were when I left him alone with God with just the note.