CQM Blog: Concepts That Build Christ-Likeness

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Relationship Help | Secrets on How to Survive After Separation or Divorce

What does a wife do when her husband decides to leave her? by Nancy Nair

It seems like each day, I get a call from a wife who wants to find an answer for this problem. She is devastated, crying, and hopeless. It seems like whoever she calls gives her advice on how and what she should do. Often, the husband has left her for another, possibly younger, woman. She knows she is different than when she was a carefree single or newly married woman. But now, life is different! She is tired out, kids act up, house is a mess, and her husband is angry that she doesn’t meet his needs like she used to. Yet, she wants him to treat her like he did when they were first married. But now he uses that special, romantic treatment on another woman.

I listen to her. My heart goes out to her. Often, when a man finds another woman, he doesn’t come back. He seems to only see the mess that he left behind. I share with her that I know she has probably tried everything. She agrees. At this point, all I can do is pray and help her to find a plan.

So how does she put together this plan? It could be a long time before her husband returns. Here are some questions she needs to ask herself first:

1. Is he going to pay child support?

2. Does she have a job?

3. Does it pay enough?

4. Does she need to go to school to improve her income?

5. Should she move in with her parents?

6. Who will watch her children?

Once she has an idea of how to survive financially, she needs to survive spiritually.

1. Quiet Time: 

Because God is the only one who is walking beside her every minute of the day, she MUST be praying and reading the Bible to bring her the peace that she needs. Find some music to worship with and draw close to God. She will have so much pain in her heart. She may feel like she can’t make it through the day. It is so important to become God’s best friend; sitting down and reading God’s Word from her heart. She should underline everything that God says to her. We have been washed by the blood of Christ. We have His protection. Satan will try everything he can to destroy our love for the Lord.

2. Journaling:

Keep a journal of each day.

  • Record verbal exchanges: what he has said, what she has said, what he says when he talks with the children, and if he offers her help.
  • God has given the wife the responsibility of being his helpmeet. She will see and feel things in her heart that she needs to say. There will be times that she will not be able to share these things with him. This is when journaling comes in handy. God will prompt her spirit. Keep records of dates. Do not miss a day. When recording truth, speak it in love. Do not write hateful statements. She needs to make an appointment with me if she needs to work through these hateful feelings. There will come a day where she may be able to show these issues with her husband; helping him to become the Christ-like man God wants him to be.

3. Keeping the promise to God.

It is very important that she keep the vow she made with God, even though her husband has broken his vow. (This is between him and God.) She must keep her vow before the Lord. Always remembering to pray for him; keeping the door open for God to work through her. I think this is the hardest thing to do, because of the continuing hurt in a wife’s heart. Satan wants us to become bitter! DON’T DO IT! Stay really close to God with prayer and scripture reading. He is our only source of Godly direction.

God didn’t want husbands to abandon or give up on wives. But, being that God gave us freedom to choose, He will not force him to stay. God will patiently wait for a man to want to change his ways. This wife will need to remember, while she feels abandoned, rejected, and betrayed, to stay as close to God as she can. It is important for her to stay in fellowship with other Christian women who will care for her. She should work hard to not become mean. Meanness only hurts her and her children. When that happens, a husband will only look at her meanness; continuing to shift his guilt by blaming her.