CQM Blog: Concepts That Build Christ-Likeness

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Relationship Help | Learn How to Resolve Relationship Problems

Are you looking for a change you can depend on? by Ken Nair

We men learn quickly. If something negative takes place in our marriage, we can get into trouble when we keep silent as our wife wants to discuss it. Or, on the other hand, in that same situation, when a husband tries to talk about it, he usually ends up getting into even more trouble. So, guess which method the average husband would pick?  If you’re going to get in trouble anyhow, why escalate it by talking?

Usually, depending upon the personality of the husband, when it comes to discussing relationship problems guys either withdraw in silence or get forcefully verbal.  But, both are based on not knowing how to resolve relationship problems.

How can a man expect to be successful at building a marriage or offer meaningful solutions; solutions that have taken in consideration both his and his wife’s perspectives, when he will admit that he does not understand the mind of a woman?

So, what can he do?

Let me give an example: last Sunday, the pastor’s sermon was on Being An Influence.  He had the junior high classes involved in the worship or musical portion of the program.  Many were barefooted as a means of being casual. The pastor, using it as an illustration of being influence, also went on the stage barefooted.  It worked!  It was a perfect introduction.

Later, after the service, the church had a bar-b-q. Sitting by the pastor, he related to me that his wife was bothered by his having done that. Since he was familiar with the message of Life Partners Christian Ministries (where we teach husbands to illustrate Christ to their wife… understanding her as Christ would) he asked me what he should have done.  Should he have taken them off or should he have left them on?

I suggested that he start by discovering what motivated her to say that.  He said, “Oh, I know why she said it… her mom and dad were there and she didn’t want me to be seen in a bad light.” 

Ordinarily, we husbands get defensive when this type of situation happens.  We try to explain the situation to our wives in a way that will cause them to re-evaluate and then realize we weren’t wrong after all.  Have you ever noticed that this doesn’t work?

Well, it was too late to advise him to honor her and not do it.  But we could still minister to his wife’s concern.  She was sitting across from him and was listening to our conversation.  Here’s what I suggested he do; to look at his wife and repeat this, “I am so grateful that God has given me a wife that is such a sweetheart and is so caring about my reputation.  I am blessed that you care for me like that.  God is using you to teach me more about being thoughtful for another’s reputation.  And, I’m concerned that I’ve caused you to be embarrassed.  Could you forgive me?”    

By now she was smiling at him with a hint of tears in her eyes because he was touching her heart with those words.

Most guys say, “I can completely agree with that.  It just never would have occurred to me to say it that way.”

That’s why Life Partners Christian Ministries is a discipleship ministry.  We love coaching men like that!