CQM Blog: Concepts That Build Christ-Likeness

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Marriage | Only God Can Change a Man’s Heart

sad-silhouetteA Not-Too-Uncommon Letter From a Wife by Anonymous Author (used with permission)

Well I suppose I might as well let you know this too… This morning I’ve been trying to get everybody ready to go see my in-laws and I go downstairs to see my husband acting like he’s whipping our boys with a towel and wrestling.  He says he’s bonding with our boys.  All I see is mayhem.We’re supposed to be getting ready to go see his parents.  I was shocked.  I think finally, reality hit me.  I can’t change him.  

Being responsible is important.  We have schedules; I’m trying to teach our children from right and wrong about following through with timeliness; outfits need to be coordinated, etc.  But I can’t control this man.   I can’t change his heart.

He is an irresponsible a child who doesn’t want to do what is right.  He only wants to do what feels good to him at the time.   He is a sorry excuse for a husband and father because he gets angry and preaches at our children but doesn’t do what is right himself.   I feel so angry.  I can’t make things better.   I can’t change the heart of this man.  Because he isn’t respectful, nor organized and loving how can I expect my children to be anything other than what they see modeled?  I wish I could do this without him.  I guess I’ll just have to settle for just being roommates.

I was even going to buy us wedding rings since I had to sell them 5 years ago to pay bills.  But a ring doesn’t make a marriage; it’s just a piece of metal.

I don’t know if you can handle me telling you all of this because it is scary for me to see this stuff written down on paper.

As sad as it is, I’m glad that this wife realizes, she cannot change her husband.  I’m hoping the realization of that fact will relieve her of that responsibility.  It won’t relieve her of the emotional pain but hopefully, it will relieve her of the pressure of feeling like she’s a failure because she can’t make it happen.  I know you care and want to see the marriage flourish, but you’ll drive yourselves crazy trying to change him.

Ladies your God-given title is “helper” not manager.