I think it is always interesting how God works. When we go through things in our lives He wants us to keep a record of it. Then, one day we can help someone else who might be going through the same thing.
I don’t like the ungodliness I illustrated in what you are about to read. I also don’t like the effects on the hearts of my children at that time. Let me add that I did take care of it with God and with my girls.
We had just moved to the mid-west to work for a Christian ministry. I didn’t know very many people at the time and had no family around me. Ken had to go away for a conference and I was there alone with the two girls. This particular day the girls were really acting up and I was so lonely without my family or Ken, that I probably wasn’t the best person to be around either. It was at a time in our life when Ken and I really were not at a great place. God had been speaking to Ken for only a short time about the calling that He was going to put on his life, but that comes later.
So when you put together, me feeling lonely and moody and the girls acting up, you can imagine that there was not much evidence of the Fruit of the Spirit for my girls to see. Really, I don’t think that any of the seven were evident. (How sad is that?) God would not have placed them in Galatians 5:22 if He did not think that they were important to know and to illustrate.
I can’t remember what the situation was that caused me to be so upset, but usually it had something to do with either them arguing over something or just not cleaning up their room, or something like that. I remember feeling like Jekyll and Hyde. I got so emotionally upset that I started yelling and they were crying that I couldn’t stop. I don’t know how long it went on but it seemed like forever and I’m sure it seemed like that to the girls also. I think I said something like just wait till your dad gets home he will take care of this.
I can’t remember if I spanked them or not, but God gave me a really good spanking. I finally left the room and walked into the front room and there sat one of the staff girls from the ministry that we worked for.
I wish I could have had a picture of my face when I saw her sitting there, my mouth probably dropped open. I don’t think I have ever been so embarrassed about anything. How could I be Jekyll one minute and Hyde the next? I was so ashamed. I told her, “I am so very sorry for that ugly side of me that showed up.”
I thought I was alone before I saw her sitting on the couch watching me. The Lord used her to remind me that He was there too. God had not left me, I had left Him. Here He was watching the whole thing, wishing that I would stop and show Christ to my children.
I asked her to forgive me for not representing Christ. I also asked the girls to forgive me and I also asked God if He would forgive me. Down inside of me was such an empty pit that I knew could only be filled by talking with God and to regain the manifestation of the Fruit of the Spirit.
Ken was just beginning to be there for me; usually I had to fix everything by myself. I have always wanted to be close to God but now that I had a husband who started taking me in his arms and say “it’s okay sweetie we all have those kinds of days and we will get through this one also.” I am so happy that Ken has taken the challenge to listen to God and walk really close to Him. I no longer have to fix all of the troubles by myself. Ken is right there with me as we walk in this journey growing closer to God each day.
I wish that we would have known this while our children were small so that, even though I’m not perfect and still do things that would be displeasing to God and my family, they could have been raised from infancy with Ken and I making sure that they would see Christ working in us. It is so much easier to raise a family when we really love each other and love God more than anything else.