CQM Blog: Concepts That Build Christ-Likeness

Tools for those in serious pursuit

Relationship Help | A Wife’s Position in Marriage

1935679_1137611238325_4645411_nKen and I had the opportunity to speak with a group of husbands and wives. It is something that we love to do; helping couples understand why so many times they cannot find answers when there is a disagreement between them.

Ken spoke with the men while I spoke with the ladies. I enjoyed talking with the wives for about two hours. So many times, wives need to have a place to talk to someone and not feel judged with what they are thinking about doing; but probably would never do. To have someone who will just listen as you talk about the things that hurt so deeply, is freeing to your spirit. It frees them up to ask for advice; which gives them direction.

I feel one of the most important advice I can give to a wife is to help her to know that God has given her an honored position in the marriage. God called her a “helper”. So what is a helper? It has to be really important, because God gave that name to her. So let’s talk about it and see what kind of help a wife could give to her husband. It had to be her husband that God was giving that name to Eve for because no one else was around them at that time. Especially early in the marriage, part of that help is always speaking the truth; do not keep things from your husband because you are concerned it may start a fight. If you don’t share it, he will think all is well and you will just keep getting more and more upset in your spirit.

Let’s see, maybe in today’s thinking a helper would be: take care of the home, do the cooking, do the laundry, do the dishes, maybe even ironing and taking care of the children. When God gave that name to her none of that was around so it had to mean something totally different. It had to be that she was to help in another way. So, how in the world could Eve help Adam? I believe that God knew that Adam was going to eat of the very thing that He told Adam not to eat. It was a command to Adam, not to Eve. When God said you will surely die, He didn’t mean physical death; like never being around anymore; it must have been a different kind of death.

I picture God and Adam walking in the garden. Can you just imagine walking with God today? But that is another story. When Adam ate of the fruit that God told him not to eat, his Spirit to spirit relationship with God died. His Spirit and God could no longer communicate spirit to Spirit. Although Eve’s spirit to Spirit relationship with God also died; being created differently her spiritual capacity was still functional. She was still spiritually aware. Emotions come from your spirit and Adam (along with all other men) have the capacity to shut down their spirit. Since emotions originate within the human spirit Eve was created to help Adam learn about emotions; to become spiritually functional and mature; once again able to communicate with God.

God knew our husbands would be deficient in the realm of emotions and this is why God gave us the name Helper. God wants us to help our husbands understand how they have hurt us or our children or whoever they hurt because they seem to shut off that part of their being. Have you ever noticed that men usually are very ANGRY, SILLY, OR FEELING SORRY FOR THEMSELVES? God wants them to learn how to be a spiritual leader aka one who leads other’s spirits. If they don’t know what is going on in their own spirit, how in the world can they be a spiritual leader? A spiritual leader is not someone who knows scripture, works at the church, or takes kids to camp and stay with them. It is someone who knows by looking at you that something is going on in your spirit and he is there to help you. An example of how this could look would be him putting an arm around you and whispering in your ear, “It will be ok. When you are ready to talk I will be here because when you are hurting I KNOW HOW THAT FEELS BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN THERE ALSO.” Can you just imagine having a husband who will do that with you?

Years ago, we now see why God called Ken to learn what a spiritual leader was; because now he is able to help other men. He couldn’t do that until he became aware of his own spirit; enabling him to heal what was going on in my spirit. At that time, I was not in a good place. Yes, I was going to Bible Study and learning all about what God wanted me to learn, yet there was this “black cloud” in our home. He wasn’t being very nice to me or the children at the time and I really didn’t like him at all. But God was calling him to heal that in me. He had a calling to become the man that God wanted to use. It took Ken some time to go back and heal me of even all past wounds; but not only did he have to heal me he had to heal the girls also. When he saw what and who he was, he didn’t like that man and had a desire to change. He even apologized to my parents. I am so proud of him that he never gave up. Even though I had a hard time opening up my spirit again, because he had hurt me so deeply, he continued in his quest. The only way he was able to change was that he began to understand his emotions which also meant understanding his spirit which caused him to be able to communicate with God.