CQM Blog: Concepts That Build Christ-Likeness

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Relationship Help | How Divorce and Separation Affects Children

Parents Putting Their Kids Under Emotional Distress by Nancy Nair

I thought I would give a tidbit on my thinking of what happens to children in the home when a husband and wife are having trouble and can find no resolution.

There are four options… Do nothing (grow indifferent: enduring or tolerating it.), fight all of the time or make the decision to separate or divorce. Then, of course, there is the option to find God’s solution.

When the decision is made to separate or divorce, this really affects the children as much as the parents.

If you decide to live separately in or outside the home, you can only imagine the atmosphere that you have created. In this scenario, you will find mom and dad making hurtful statements about each other or mom and dad no longer talk to each other. If they are talking negatively about each other, the children will hear them, which is very hurtful to the children.

How would you like to be a child who has to live like this? When this happens, the child usually will have to pick a side or they are so confused they can hardly make it through going to school or just trying to be normal.   I don’t know about you but I can hardly stand watching this happen.

Dad may be out trying to find a new woman and mom may be trying to find a new man.  If they marry these new found mates, a sad thing happens. Because they have to call two people father and two people mother the words father and mother can become meaningless. Sometimes, they have to call other people sisters or brothers and then there are more grandparents, aunts and uncles.

There are many problems that come from this making it just too long to write about, but you should be very careful who you bring into your children’s lives. What if your children don’t like all of them? Can they just go and get a “divorce”? That’s the example set before them.

Isn’t it time for all of us to look at more than just, “Am I happy”? Wouldn’t it be wonderful if when there is trouble in the house that the one whom God put in charge of the family would be able to immediately go to God and seek help so that these very things wouldn’t have to happen?

This brings us to the fourth option: Determine that you will settle for nothing less than finding God’s solutions.

In my many years of looking at all this, I see that everything looks greener on the other side of the fence until you go over to the other side of the fence. It looks just as bad as the side you just left. Because we are all human and troubles follow us no matter where we go, isn’t it time to stop and ask yourself, “Will this happen again because I didn’t learn from it the first time? “ So I’ve decided I will find answers. I will solve this by finding God’s solutions.