CQM Blog: Concepts That Build Christ-Likeness

Tools for those in serious pursuit

Marriage | Inceasing Conversation in Your Relationship

Words of Encourgement by Nancy Nair

Have you ever been sitting with your husband and looking around you see another couple and they haven’t said one word to each other? Why is that, do they not know each other anymore? Have they lost the ability to play and laugh together like they did when they were young?

I believe that if a young couple will find out everything about how the other was raised, discovering how their family did things, they would get an understanding of how the other person is going respond to life.

For example, if you are a girl or a young man and you were raised in a family that just never talks, you can reasonably expect that they won’t be very talkative about things either. If their family likes spending money more than saving money, that is how that person will relate to family finances.  You might even want to find out about how they celebrate birthdays, Christmas, Thanksgiving, vacations, Mothers day, Fathers Day etc. I know of couples whose first year of marriage is full of difficulties. One of the couple’s family is upset with them because they are not celebrating the holidays the same way it has always been celebrated. Or, they can’t enjoy holidays because one family may get mad that you are going to the other person’s family.

These young couples will try their hardest to spend time with each family, on the same day, so that no one will feel left out. But, by the time they get home they are exhausted because they tried to make everyone else happy. These are very important things to talk about if you are getting serious and are thinking of getting married. Large fights come from these types of issues.

Discuss together how you want each of these holidays to be celebrated. You could even talk with your family before you get married about what it will take to please each of the families, since you can’t be in two places at once.

Too often it is… oh boy we are getting married and everything is going to be so wonderful. We will be on our own and can make our home special. It’s more than that. It’s being considerate of both moms and how they are going to miss having each of you around them.  Moms are really great, but you will need to take the time to talk with them about all those important things. Along the way get to know their ideas about how to include everyone without hurting anyone’s feelings.