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Relationship Help | Q&A Discipleship Reflections from Ken Nair

Ken gets hug from Tom GussieGood morning Ken,

Question: I’m really having a tough time internally these past few days. I’m in a very lonely place internally. I am wrestling with fear, anxiety, restlessness, tiredness, body aches that I’ve never had before and uncertainty.
Answer: I’m going to approach this in a constructive way so it might not seem as sympathetic as possible. You are going through the same type of forsaken grief that Christ went through. To be Christ-like is to identify with Him in as many ways as possible. God is knocking the starch out of you like He did Paul when He had to send Paul to the desert for 12 years to settle him down … to stop taking on the responsibility of correcting everyone … becoming useable and soft hearted.
Question: I am wondering if there is some un-forgiveness in my household that is keeping us from being blessed.
Answer: Is the lack of God’s blessing a consequence of the lack of Christ-like leadership? Are you being chastened for that failure? Who in the world would believe that chastening from God would be a blessing but it can be if it is a wakeup call. And, “no chastening for the time is enjoyable … but, if you bear up under it, it WILL yield the peaceable fruit of righteousness.” Notice you will have to bear up under it … it’s still in play.
Question: My wife has admittedly said that she has not forgiven my family.
Answer: That will come with her being healed in her relationship with you!
Question: I’m wondering why I have the feeling as though I’m in trouble all the time.
Answer: Because you’re just now discovering how emotionally terrible it’s been. And God’s commitment to you is all inclusive … He will leave no stone unturned. He has every intention that others see Christ in you … not mere churchianity.
Question: I feel like I have committed the worst sin of my life. I’m wondering why I can’t seem to fully convince myself of the accusations towards my mom and dad in spite of the behavior they have exhibited of not being committed to the healing of my family.
Answer: Some people dying of cancer will not submit to surgery. Why would we expect that all “Christians” will submit to spiritual surgery?
Question: This is all very surreal right now because we are the most difficult financial situation ever.
Answer: Is God willing to teach you anything less than He was willing to teach Paul… who said, “I have learned to be content with much and with little.”? Are you not as valuable and loved as Paul was?
Question: We literally have no money until the 15th and I have no place to turn to for help but God. I am so ashamed of my life at this point.
Answer: Why would God let us feel like a failure? Because we have been! And the consequences are long lasting … thereby teaching us that the consequences of our failures are long lasting. Hopefully then, we will resist those thing that make us a failure cause we don’t want to pay those long lasting prices!
Question: I’m 54 years old and I feel like I have accomplished a reasonable degree of education and I have absolutely nothing to show for my life but a bunch of ruin.
Answer: No, no … you have a family that is back together, you are learning to understand their spirits, you are discovering how to defeat your flesh, etc, etc, etc, etc.
Question: I’m willing to surrender because I have no alternative.
Answer: Is that because God has successfully brought you to a place of surrender? He only chastens those He loves.
Question: I just don’t know what that looks like at this point. I heard a message this morning by Chip Ingram and he talked about people who spend their whole lives procrastinating and the pitfalls that are a result of such behavior. I sure feel like I’m that person.
Answer: Fantastic … you never saw that before … so God is working in your life? Is he causing you to recognize parts or your sin nature you’ve never seen before?
Question: I am being haunted with grief, guilt, and thoughts of regret with regards to my family of origin.
Answer: You are becoming more and more spiritually functional. .. recognizing emotions that you never even knew existed before. I’m proud of you!
Question: I saw some pictures of my mom and dad on my brothers Facebook account the other day. I have not seen my parents in about 4 years and they really looked aged and hurt. I can’t get those images out of my mind.
Answer: Good … keep them there as reminders to not let that happen with your children. That could easily have been you and your kids … had not God grabbed you by the scruff of the neck and pulled you out of the quicksand you had gotten yourself in.
Question: I feel like God is punishing me.
Answer: Remember again … “no chastening for the time is enjoyable …
Question: Ken, I know these thoughts that I’m expressing to you are a complete contrast of what I conveyed the last time we talked the other day. Is this normal?
Answer: Yes, and the day is coming when someone will ask you that same question and you will be able (because of your own experience) to answer the same. Did Christ have these kinds of thoughts and instability? Didn’t He say, “nevertheless… if it be possible … let this cup pass… “?
Question: I don’t want to let my wife and kids down.
Answer: You won’t… God has brought you way past that point.
Question: Concerning her being able to trust me… my daughter is in a very intense wait and see mode. My wife asked me the other day what to do.
Answer: Here’s what you do… touch her (in a casual manner … if you need to know what that involves … call) 15 times every day!!! But DO IT!
Question: I’m craving physical intimacy as well.
Answer: Humbly ask her if she could care for you in that way for now … expecting her to deny you if she not able to go there.

This has been and continues to be an on-going discipleship situation. Reflecting on the past 30 years, this husband is realizing how much he has not been like Christ and how much his sin nature is committed to defeating his guest for Christ-likeness. But he is a determined disciple and we are committed to his success. He is changing and winning more and more.