CQM Blog: Concepts That Build Christ-Likeness

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Marriage | Accomplishing Your Marriage and Relationship Resolutions

The Keys to Success in Your Marriage and Home by Nancy Nair

Have you ever found that your New Year’s resolutions are never accomplished? Let’s say that your New Year’s resolution is that you want to have a happy marriage this year. You need to decide that there are a few things you will need to do to make that happen.

Each day you wake up, you pray, read the Bible and do your Bible study for the week. You are so busy trying to get time in with the Lord that your other tasks around the house were not accomplished… then in walks your husband.  He looks around, sees that you didn’t get the things done that he thought should have been. Just by his look, you know that he is not happy with you. Since you are trying to have a happy marriage, you try hard not to let it bother you and refrain from saying anything to make the situation worse.

The next day you complete your prayer time, Bible reading, and your Bible Study; really working hard to get the house clean and the dinner fixed so that tonight, when he walks in, he will be happy.  You are really tired but everything is done; it is 5:00pm and your husband walks into the house.  He doesn’t even notice that everything done and that you were waiting for him to give you a hug; but those hopes were shattered because he did neither. What he did notice is that the kids didn’t get their chores done and that they were unruly.  He might have said something like, “What did you do today?”  These words make you feel as if all your hard work was all done in vain.

Now you have decided that getting up extremely early is the ticket. This way you can make sure that today your husband will be happy with you.  So, you get up exceptionally early, begin by reading the Bible, talking with the Lord, get all the kids chores set up for them to do, clean the house and finally got the dinner ready for that evening.  By this time you are very tired, but sure feel good that everything was ready for your husband before he got home.  But wouldn’t you guess, he comes home tired and stressed.  He had a terrible day at work and doesn’t even want to be around the family.  He just wants to go in, watch TV and veg.  He even wants you to bring him his food.  He didn’t even notice that you had worked so hard to make the evening great.  But you promise yourself, tomorrow will be better.

Because you have been trying so hard to make your marriage happy, you are extremely worn out and having a hard time.  Your mood gets a slightly edgy and your words get a little short.  Because of this, your Bible reading and prayer life gets passed by and you don’t get the things done that need to be completed. Furthermore, the kids don’t get their chores done since you aren’t up to helping them, dinner doesn’t get done and the house doesn’t get cleaned. Boy oh boy, imagining what more you could do to create a happy marriage seems impossible. You try to do what you can before your husband comes home from work that day but since you’ve lost the will-power to accomplish anything for the day, you already expect that your husband won’t be happy.  He comes home, eats dinner and gets the kids ready to go to bed.  You’re really tired and he asks you to have sex with him. Wow! You are completely shut down emotionally and physically; he wonders why you are so distant. But because you want a happier marriage you have sex with him, but your heart is not in it.  Your thoughts are, “Maybe tomorrow will be better”.  

After weeks go on and on like this, you wonder if your New Year’s resolution will ever be. Going back to the beginning, everything was one sided… you were trying to make the marriage happy alone. Nothing will ever be accomplished if your husband is not on the same page as you.